Things to do in an elevator. I don’t know about you, but I find riding in an elevator boring, so I found ways to have a more interesting experience. By now you know I am not shy. Speaking to people I don’t know is easy, as who cares, I will probably never see then again anyway. Why not have a little fun? Riding in an elevator watching each light illuminate as we pass each floor actually makes the ride seem longer. It’s similar to watching water boil. To distract myself from this boring ritual I have found ways to make it more interesting. Most are stunts I have actually done, some I thought would be funny to do.
First, let’s set the stage and come to a few realizations about elevators. People will usually stop talking once they enter the “Elevator Zone.” Even if they know someone else in the elevator, the required “Hi” is about all that is said. The obvious reason is others can hear your conversation. Not that anyone really cares what you are saying, it’s just common practice.
Many times people feel uncomfortable when others get in their space. In a packed elevator, they have no choice. For me, I have a captive audience. So why not have a little fun and make it more interesting for everyone?
Guys will always sneak a peek at a beautiful woman while she is staring as the floors going past, it’s a given. After all, it’s either stare at the numbers or sneak a peek while pretending to look at the same stagnant numbers. Why not, she’s not going anywhere, right?
Women, on the other hand, will nearly always check out other women by avoiding eye contact by glancing at the flashing floor numbers and then appear to stare down at the floor. What they really are doing is checking out shoes and handbags. To some, shoes are an indicator of coolness and good taste. Many women need to know how cool everyone is in the elevator or maybe it’s just a genetic thing. I am not sure which.
Now that we have the basics down, here are some interesting things to do in an elevator. I don’t endorse them, I am only reporting on the various pranks I have pulled over the years, or thought about how funny it would be to pull off. They always made for a more interesting ride. Some you can do alone, some you will need a co-conspirator to pull off.
I have found I can usually get people to laugh in an elevator. Especially in an awkward situation while riding with a bunch of total strangers in a 12 x 12 enclosed box with boring music playing. If you would like to steal my material, you are more than welcome to try them. I can’t guarantee them to always get a laugh, but minimally you should get a smile.
I have honed these techniques over years and years of practice. I haven’t been arrested, yet, for my mischief. If nothing else, you will give your co-riders something to talk about the rest of the day. Remember, you will most likely never see them again. Who cares?
Years ago when I was single, one of my favorite stunts, was getting into a fairly full elevator with my much younger very beautiful girlfriend. I must admit, this took some time to talk her into as she too always felt uncomfortable in an elevator. Eventually, she gave in and even she had a great time. I converted her into an elevator prankster like myself.
Here’s how it went. We didn’t speak to each other, even as we waited with others for the elevator to come to our floor. She would walk to the back of the elevator as she entered. I would stand at the front and punch the bottom floor. As the elevator was dropping she would move her way to the front, excusing herself as moved past people and tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and she immediately passionately kissed me as we are riding down until the elevator stopped again. Sometimes it was a short wet one on a short ride, sometimes it was for the entire ride down to the bottom. When the elevator finally stopped, we exited and I said to her, “Nice meeting you” and then we both exited and went in opposite directions. It was fun to imagine what they all must be thinking, or saying to each other, after the door closed. Like “Did you see that? What a lucky guy! Or how come that never happened to me?”
Another prank was to get into an elevator and speak in a made-up foreign language. Once a buddy of mine and I got on one and I decided we were Russian cosmonauts. Without any preparation, I spontaneously spoke to him in what sounded like Russian. He also has a quick sense of humor and picked up on it immediately and joined me in the gag. As we spoke “Russian” we would add a few broken-English words that would let the other passengers think they knew what we were talking about. We got a lot of interesting looks, and we could barely hold it together until we got off the elevator.
These are just a couple of my escapades in elevators. Be sure to read the finish to this story of “Things to do in an Elevator” in Part Two. Send me something funny you pulled off, or that was done to you, in an elevator.
Stride into a crowded elevator, continue to look at your fellow riders, and say with authority, "Good, you're here. I've gathered you all here today...." By then, everyone should be laughing. When you reach your floor, turn, stride out, turn back and say, "Same time, tomorrow?"
ReplyDeleteI have done something similar. I worked for a Senior VP in a large hospital where the other admin assistants did not get along and like to talk about each other. This hospital also had a very good “grapevine”. I figured if they were going to gossip about me I would at least control the subject matter.
ReplyDeleteI recruited a good friend of mine that also worked for the hospital. We would meet every morning at 7 o’clock in the atrium for coffee. We always sat very close together and would make sure to lean in to whisper to each other every once in a while.
It didn’t take long for the rumors to start spreading. At the time he was dating one of the nurses and people would seek her out to tell her he was having coffee with some woman with red hair over in the atrium, to which she would reply “I know”.
It has been two years since we did this and in the mean time we both have gotten married to other people. A few weeks ago I went to have my hearing tested and during the conversation mentioned that I had gotten remarried. The audiologist said “To that long hair blonde you use to have coffee with”. I couldn’t believe that someone in his position paid any attention to gossip “grapevine”. I just smiled and said “no” thinking to myself this worked better than I thought it would.
As soon as I got to work I called my friend and we both had a good laugh about it. It is sad that people find the need, and have the time, to gossip about their co-workers but as the song says “let’s give them something to talk about” and have some fun with it too.
get into the elevator, face the back instead of the front - and watch how many people turn around to the back!!
ReplyDelete