Tattoo’s, Part One

First, a little history:

“In 1891, tattoo artist Samuel O'Reilly was awarded the first patent for a tattoo machine -- a device allegedly based on Edison's stencil pen. O'Reilly apparently produced only one of the machines and that was for his own personal use -- there is no record of his marketing his device.

O'Reilly immigrated to New York City from Ireland in 1875. After he developed his tattoo machine, many sideshow and circus attractions began frequenting his shop at No. 11 Chatham Square. The machine was much quicker than hand tattooing, and the performers thought it gave cleaner results. After O'Reilly's death in 1908, a student took up his trade and machine and worked at Coney Island until the 1950s.” 

People have been ruining their bodies for 120 years…… but does it make sense?

I know this is going to upset some people, as you are very proud of your newly designed “scar,” sorry.  I don’t really care.  Also, let me apologize up front to any friend or family member of mine or friend, especially my nephew, as he is a musician and it seems to be a prerequisite to have at least one tattoo. The others, I know you have tattoos and you are right, it’s your body and you can do whatever you want as you have that freedom. Fortunately, most have them in places that can’t be seen when you are fully clothed and I appreciate your discreteness, but have to write this one because this is how many of us feel about tattoos.

 I may not be the “coolest” guy, but to the children and immature adults, before you get a tattoo, THINK.  I understand your need to be cool and being like your friends, but on this one you might want to try being a non-conformist, not a follower of trends as they soon will no longer be trendy.  I never got a “pet rock” either.  Fortunately, you could throw those away and no one would know how stupid it was to spend hard earned money on something as ridiculous as it had no function, other than a joke.

What is the purpose of tattoos?  Body art?  Being an individualist? If many of your friends have one, how is it being an individualist? If I wanted to see art, I would go to an Art Museum or an art studio to appreciate it.  Maybe even buy something for the same money that it cost to put it on you. The difference is I could sell the art later, if I didn’t want it any longer. Maybe even make a little money on it.  A tattoo is forever, unless of course, you spent about three times what it originally cost and twice the pain to have it removed.  I doubt any financial analyst would suggest a tattoo as a good long term investment.

Candidly, I personally just don’t want to stare at tattoos while eating dinner.  Wait until you are my age and that cute butterfly on your breast will look like Mothra from an old Godzilla movie.  Google it if you don’t know who Mothra was it will give you a good graphic understanding of what I mean.

What also concerns me is when I see all the highly-paid athletes, especially professional basketball players, covered with tattoos. Is this how you set an example to our children?  To work hard, play hard and cover yourself with body paint when you get to the NBA?  Fortunately, I haven’t seen many tennis players or golfers covered with ink and I hope I never do.  Not that they don’t have them, some do as you will see one from time to time.  Just not where I have to constantly be distracted by it as look at a match on TV.  Are golfers and tennis players that much smarter, or do they make a lot less than the rest of professional athletes?

Sometimes, I feel it’s a race to see how many you can get on your body so you can brag too your other tattooed friends that you have 17+ tattoos. Years ago if you wanted to see “the tattooed lady” you had to go to a freak show.  Now it’s common just walking down the street.  Now I know why the freak shows are no longer in business as there are freaks everywhere now. 

If it’s important to mar your body, please put it in a place the rest of us never have to see. Be discreet. Don’t put it on your neck, face, or hands. It’s offensive to most everyone, except of course, to others doing the same thing to themselves.

What would you think if you were in need of a doctor or lawyer and they were covered with that crap?  I know what I would think, I found the person that passed the bar or became a doctor that was last in their class.  They may have just gotten by in med school or law school and passed all the required tests to be certified in their profession, but I wouldn’t want them to represent or operate on me.  That’s for sure.

When you finally grow up, and that is assuming you eventually will, I am sure you will look professional and wonderful in a suit or sport coat with tattoo’s covering your face and hands.  After all, Mike Tyson sure looks like he’s a genius.  I am sure your parents and grandparents  will be impressed when you are standing up at your cousin’s wedding, in your tuxedo or expensive gown, with that crap all over you.  Nothing like wedding pictures that look like you just came from Walmart.

I must admit, I thought about it when I was 16.  Thankfully, a wave of consciousness and maturity rolled in to save me embarrassing myself later in life.  I remember when a friend had a Playboy Bunny put on his calf.  I won’t name him, but I am sure his ex-wife that will read this will know who I am speaking about.

He’s now 64.  I wonder how he will explain it to his new grandchild when they get older.  “Oh Grandpa got that back in the early 60’s.  I was a trendsetter.”  I am sure that bunny looks great now with varicose veins.

Figure this out children.  While you think you are cool with that barb wire tattooed on your arm and that eagle on your leg or shoulder.  Wait until you are 50 and hopefully have your own business. Then at the company picnic, while wearing a tee shirt and shorts, you have to explain it to your vice-president of finance about what a fool you were earlier in your life.

What were you thinking when you did that to yourself? How drunk or drugged were you? Maybe the Designated Driver should also be called the Designated Sane One.  Do you really think you are a one of a kind?  Unfortunately, you’re not, there are a lot of other fools out there just like you.

My Dad always said to me when I came to him and said, “Everybody else is doing it, why can’t I?”  His answer was right to the point.  He said, “First, because I said so, you’re not doing it.  Second, if everyone was jumping off the roof, would you?”  Dad, thanks for saving me from being an idiot from whatever stupid thing I wanted to do.

The only people that profit from your tattoo are the “artist” that installed it on you and the Dermatologist that takes them off when you figure out it wasn’t such a good idea after all.

I just don’t want to sit waiting for a plane in an airport and have to look at it in the waiting area.

So have I pissed you off?  Did I get you to think?  Then, I have done my job today.  Hopefully, I have reached one parent or child that won’t do this.  To those of you that are the “uncool” of the world.  Let’s stick together. 

 For more on this particular subject, see you on Thursday for another Note from Blue.

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