Crazy Things People Do In Traffic - Part One

While driving I am always amazed at what people do sitting in a traffic jam, sitting at a stop light, or even while going 70 MPH on an interstate highway.  Today multi-tasking has risen to new levels and for some reason people feel that absolutely anything can be done while driving in traffic. 

Some people seem to think they are all alone and totally invisible on the road.  Idiots have been seen driving on the highway, reading a book at night, with the dome light on. Accidents have dramatically increased since cell phones became inexpensive so everyone has one attached to their hand and head.  Some states have banned holding a phone and talking, you must use it with "hands-free" to talk.  But talking and texting on their phone is not the only stupid thing people do, sometimes they go much further.

Throughout the years I have seen people having a “Bill Clinton-Monica Lewinsky moment” while driving and another time I saw a couple having going to it in the back seat while another couple chauffeured.  But one of the funniest was when I was innocently driving home after a long business day in downtown Atlanta.

I made the mistake of having an appointment downtown on a Friday summer afternoon.  I know better than to do that as it will take me forever to get home, because of our well known traffic.  But, a client needed to see me and that was the only time he had before he went on vacation.  Atlanta traffic is at its worst on Friday afternoon, as everyone heads to the various lakes we have within an hour or two (except of course on Friday afternoons) of our city.  Most people change clothes at the office so they can be ready to get on their boat immediately when they finally get to the lake.  Others will  change their clothes as soon as they get to the lake.

At least one, I happened to witness, must have been late and didn’t want to obviously loose time changing at the office or change once she at the lake.  I swear, this actually happened as I was sitting in traffic on Interstate I-75 at about 5 PM on a sunny warm summer afternoon. 

I was behind a young strikingly  beautiful woman in a white Mercedes.  She had the sun roof open and her long beautiful blonde hair blowing in the summer breeze.  To obviously get her into the mood, she had her stereo blasting with beach music.  She was singing and dancing in her seat, during her “TGIF” drive.  She was a happy lady!

As I was sitting in a typical Atlanta traffic jam, I was upset with how slow traffic was moving, when I couldn’t believe my eyes. Blondie had obviously decided to change clothes from her business suit to a bikini suit before she got to the lake.  I was amazed she thought she could do it without drawing attention of others, but she did.  Did I mention she was blonde, ah yes I did.

I was finally moving along at the speed limit right behind her car, so I had a great seat.  With absolutely nothing else to do, I just kept up behind her and to see what played out.  Traffic quickly slowed down to stop and go.  Watching her drive and disrobe was fascinating to watch as I innocently drove home.  Now I ‘m sure I mentioned she was blonde.

First, this young beauty attempted to put her bikini top on as she was driving.  She took her navy blue suit coat off and threw it in the back seat. She was wearing a billowy white blouse, so it was easy for her to take her bra off and flip it with the suit coat.  It was equally easy for her to put her swim top on under her blouse.  I just laughed to myself as I sat there.  Now, with her bikini top on, she then must have decided to slip out of her blouse, so she could get some sun.

Return here for Part Two for the rest of the story…… You won’t believe what happens next!

Those of you that have read my blogs in the past know, many times, my blog is interactive. I love when my readers get to participate in the blog.  I know you have stories or funny experiences similar to mine in similar situations.  Do you have a good story about what you have seen in traffic?  Please share it, as it may make it into my blog. Please write me at steveblue22@gmail.com

Please follow me on Twitter @slblue. If you have a moment, I would love to hear from you, either add a comment in the section below or send me an email to: steveblue22@gmail.com Please be sure to forward the blog to your co-workers, family and friends.

So you want to be a Swan Keeper..... Part Two

For the first couple of years our swans didn’t mate or nest. It was wonderful. I had them eating lettuce out of my hand.  I was surprised how tame and gentle they were to me and my wife. I spent most of my business career on the road covering the Southeastern and sometimes the Southwestern states.  To come home after the craziness of the road to these beautiful calming gentle birds was wonderful.  It was the best medicine for a road warrior who needed some quiet time. 

In the third year, I was on the patio and I heard this screech coming from the pond.  I had no idea where it was coming from in the pond so I went closer to see what was going on.  Turns out, they were mating.  They have a ritual they go through and I am not going to take the time to discuss what it is, but they follow it every time they mate.  It lasts about 20 seconds and then it’s over.  In that they only do it at one time of the year, they do it many times a day, every day.

Once I videoed it to show my wife and family as the ritual is very interesting. I thought about putting it in one of those sex books or on the internet, “Swan Porn, See Duke Do Duchess” but I didn’t think it had much of a market.

 Soon they built a nest near the pond. We were very excited as they were finally going to have cygnets for the first time.  That’s when we found out how aggressive a male swan can be towards humans, in particular, me.   The female would just puff up her feathers and hiss.  He, on the other hand, would come after me with a vengeance.  The first time he came after me it totally caught me off guard and I just took off in another direction and hid behind a tree.

I could hardly believe the little bastard wanted to bite the hand that fed him.  I warn him from time to time that Thanksgiving was not far away and he could replace our turkey. From that point on, when they were in season, I carry a broom or an oar from my canoe for defense.  Finally they had their first eggs around the end of March.  Each is a bluish grey, larger than the size of a man’s fist, and weighs about a pound, as you can see in the picture below.

 After about 36 days, or early May, we had our first 3 cygnets.  They were adorable.  It takes about 2 days before they all hatch and Mom immediately takes them in the pond for their first swim as it’s the safest place.  This way coyotes, dogs and cats, as well as other wild animals can’t get to them. Normally she will have 3-4 eggs at a time.  Once she laid eight eggs, only 5 were fertile. 

During their first week of life, we have to catch the cygnets to pinion them.  Now this is an interesting experience.  The little cygnets can dive down about 10 feet to get away, but they ultimately have to come up for air, usually in our net.  It takes 10 seconds to pinion them and put them back into the water. 

Initially, it took up to 4 people, two in each canoe – one in the front to catch them and one in the back to battle Mom and Dad.  The one in the back has the toughest job because the parents don’t give up.  After falling in the pond a few times and getting smacked by Dad more than once, we finally figured out a process that works.

Once, I was mowing the lawn and down the driveway comes a “congo line” of swans.  Mom in front, followed by the cygnets, then the enforcer, Dad.  Turns out they were taking the kids on a walk around the yard.  I had to direct the “line” back to the pond.  It really is funny to see them do this.

From time to time a stray cat will come to the pond to check out the birds as a potential dinner.  They never get close enough as the birds spend most of their time in the middle of the pond.  The swans with their body warmth will keep a small area defrosted so they can have access to the water.

Once when the pond froze, as it does a couple of times a year, a stray cat thought “now is my opportunity.”  He slowly crept up to them on the ice, Duke of course was watching him the entire time.  When the cat got about 5 feet away, Duke stood up and extended his five foot wing span. 

That cat turned around, and like in those old cartoons we saw as kids, tried to get away on the slippery iced pond.  It was very funny to watch.  Interestingly, the cat never came around again to bother the birds.

Once, my wife came down to the pond to see the swans and to give them some lettuce.  She didn’t see them at first and then out of nowhere came Duke and literally scared her to death.  She began to run and fell as he was biting her and hitting her with his wings.  She heard this loud scream and she wasn’t sure where it came from, until she realized it was coming from her.  She eventually got away.  But to this day, is frightened and won’t get near her pets that she so desperately wanted.

This year’s swans were born on the day of my wife’s first chemo treatment.  She was very excited as it was something good on a very rough day.  The following day I went to feed the swan babies (cygnets) and the male attacked me, as usual. Unfortunately, I didn't have my broom to protect me so I took off when he headed for me.  

I know better than to be around them without an oar or a broom.  As I was running away, I tripped on an ivy vine and fell onto a fallen branch.  I scraped and cut myself to the tune of 6 stitches in my hand. What a klutz!  

As I was on the ground holding his neck with my bleeding hand  and with my leg on his body (so he couldn’t hit me with his wings), I had an interesting conversation with Duke.  My exact words were, “You could be dinner tonight if you don’t stop it and leave me alone.  I could wring your neck very easily and I am very tempted to do just that.”  For those keeping score it's now Humans -1 Swans - 2 LOL

What I found interesting is just before mating season the male will kick their children out of the pond and not let them back.  Each year we bring the year old cygnets up to a beautiful Golf-Spa Resort in north Georgia called Barnsley Gardens.  They help keep the Canada Geese off the grounds.

Don’t you wish you could do that with your children at a certain age, like when they are teens?  If you haven’t read one of my previous blogs, “Our Children,” please make it your next read.

So if you are thinking you would like swans as pets, think twice.  Or purchase two females so they can’t mate and go after you.  While cygnets are cute, as all young can be, the protective parents are not worth the trouble.

See you next Tuesday when the subject will be, “People Do Interesting Things While Sitting In Traffic.”  Have any interesting experiences while you were sitting in traffic?  Drop me a line and if there's room, I'll put it in the blog.

Please follow me on Twitter @slblue. If you have a moment, I would love to hear from you, either add a comment in the section below or send me an email to: steveblue22@gmail.com
  
Please be sure to forward the blog to your co-workers, family and friends.

So you want to be a Swan Keeper..... Part One

When we moved into our current home we inherited an English Mute swan.  You read that correctly, a swan.  The family that owned our home previously had a pair of swans, but the male and their last clutch all died unexpectedly prior to our purchasing the house.  Part of the attraction to the house, at least for my wife, was the swan.  She thought she was beautiful and how nice it was to have her outside our backyard pond.
 

We obviously never had a swan as a pet and we didn’t know what to expect in keeping a swan.  Actually, as I child the only pet I had was a goldfish. Shortly after we moved in, the swan unexpectedly died.  My wife was heartbroken that her new pet had died.

A few months went by and she started checking around to see where she could get a pair of swans.  Being a very determined woman, she found who we call the “Swan Lady” about 50 miles from our home just south of the airport in Atlanta.  I came home from a trip one week and she announced that she had found someone that sold swans and we were going to meet the “Swan Lady.” on Saturday.

Saturday came and off we went.  After going down a long winding road, in the middle of nowhere, we came up to her house.  There were animals everywhere.  Llamas, geese, ducks, various types of swans, and most every kind of parrot I had ever seen.  It was like being at a private zoo.

She and her husband obviously knew what they were doing in keeping all these animals that were in beautiful condition.  She got us, hook line and sinker.  We put a deposit down for a pair of swans and she said that she would receive them in a few months.

My wife was so excited, and all I could think of was that I would end up taking care of them.  At the time, we had a Golden Retriever (Nick), a Cocker Spaniel (Buck) and an outside cat (Roy D. Mercer) that were more than a handful to keep up with.  But, this is what she wanted, so this is what we got.  Little did I know what was about to happen to me next.

When the time came, I drove out to the Swan Lady with one of our dog crates to bring them back to our house.  When I got there, the price went up from the time we put our deposit down.  I knew I’d better pay the new price or not come home.  Now I knew how they paid for all those animals. 

Reluctantly, I followed her to the two large pens she had on the property.  Each had about a dozen swans.  She explained to me the males had a tag on the right leg and the females had a tag on the left leg.  The only way I can remember which is which is: Right Leg = Ricky or Left Leg = Lucy.  She showed me how to hold them when I caught one.  “No problem,” I thought to myself.

Now I had to go and catch mine.  If you can imagine trying to catch a greased pig, it is probably the equivalent.  I wish my wife had joined me in this swan experience so we could have videoed the adventure.  As I look back, it was pretty funny.

After getting nipped at, swung at, and spending a lot of time on the ground, I finally caught the female and put her in the crate.  Each swan weighs between 30-35 pounds and contrary to what you may have seen, they are very fast runners, and very efficient fighters.

Now it was time for the male.  He was bigger, faster and meaner than the female.  I finally lunged and caught one as I was on the ground after missing one, I was able to grab both his neck (so he wouldn’t bite me) and his large body (so he couldn’t take a swing with his wing at me). 

All this time thinking to myself, why is a guy from the suburbs of Chicago trying to catch a swan?  I must be crazy. None the less, I got him into the crate with her and off we went on our merry way back home to deposit them in our acre pond. 

Being scared, as these birds were large and not happy being in a crate, I brought them to the edge of the pond and opened the door and ran as far away as I could.  Eventually, they figured out that only one could get out at a time and they wandered into the water and their new home.

I must admit, they were beautiful as they elegantly swam around in the pond.  Now we were swan keepers.  Or more accurately I should say, I was now a swan keeper.

When I picked them up from the Swan Lady they were already pinioned (for those that are unaware, pinion means that a muscle was severed in one wing during their first week of life, before any blood vessels grew, so they were unable to fly away).  In that each is about the same cost as a pedigree dog, we were glad they couldn’t fly away.  We were amazed that they never stray far from the water, if they can’t fly.

Now, how and what do I feed them?  I was told by the Swan Lady, I could get food at any Feed Store.  What’s a Feed Store? Being from Chicago, I had never been in a feed store in my life. I saw them in old western movies, but me in a Feed Store?

Turns out over time, I was there often when I walked in they would yell out, “Hey Blue, the usual?”  In my wildest dreams I never thought I would be known at the local Feed Store.

Not knowing any better, I bought a gravity fed dog feeder for the swans so they could have their food as they needed.  After a while I found out I was feeding every living animal on our property, especially the chipmunks and squirrels.  I posted this on YouTube.              

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WTn63U6gpY    

I had to figure out a way to stop these food thieves from eating all the expensive swan food.  So I went to the local sporting goods store and asked one of the salesmen if they had anything to stop squirrels from eating all the swan’s food.

He said, “What you need is the “Equalizer” son.  Follow me and I’ll set you right up.”  I had no idea what he was talking about, so like a little puppy, I followed him to the back of the store.  Then he got behind the counter and brought out a pellet rifle. 

I quickly explained, the only time I ever shot a rifle was in the Army and I wasn’t very good.  He assured me it was no problem as he attached a scope to the rifle.  Not wanting to show my complete ignorance and stupidity, I bought it.

My wife thought I was crazy and very concerned I would either shoot myself or a neighbor’s windows.  Actually, I didn’t do either.  But let me tell you about my one and only time firing the rifle.

I figured as long as I purchased it, I better shoot it.  I positioned myself behind a tree about 50 yards from the feeder.  I loaded the rifle with pellets and I was ready. 

Soon after sitting next to the tree quietly for about ten minutes, one of those pesky squirrels started snooping around the feeder.  Here was my chance.  I had him in the crosshairs of the scope, or so I thought.  I found out later it’s a good idea to take practice shots and zero in the scope. 

I gently pulled the trigger and I bagged my first game on the very first shot.  I killed the feeder dead.  I blew it to bits actually.  I scared the squirrel and he took off.  I scared myself pretty good as well. 

To this day, that was the only shot I made with the rifle.  I think my wife may have been closer to the truth when she said I was crazy.  I thought I would quit before I actually hit something or someone.  Anyone need a pellet rifle with a scope?

Then we bought what we call the Swan Bible.  It was written by a vet in Lakeland, Florida on how to raise swans.  I bought a different kind of feeder, put it next to my dock on the water with a lock on it, and never had a problem with squirrels again.

Tune in Thursday for the rest of the story and learn more about some of the weird experiences we’ve had with these birds.

 
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Parenting with Laughter, Part Two

As my son Brendon grew older I continued to use laughter as my ammunition, to make a point.   When he was about to make a mistake or said something that wasn’t necessarily a good idea, I would use a “Columbo."   Let me explain further.

 He would have an idea about something that was in left field, like most 16 year olds who know everything there is to know.  I would answer him, “Very interesting, Brendon, I would have never thought of that.  So that I can learn too, please tell me how you came to that conclusion?” 

As he would go through his thought process I would be overly attentive and appear to be concentrating on every word. Commenting, “how did you figure this out? I never have!”  As he explained, I would ask pertinent questions that would make him think it through further and eventually he would laugh and say to me, “I guess it really doesn’t make sense, Dad, does it?  Why didn’t you stop me?”  I said, “Because I wanted you to figure it out.  Sometimes hearing it out loud clears it up.  I’m not always going to be here, and you will need to figure it out yourself.  If you got to the end and didn’t figure it out, I would have stopped and explained why it wasn’t a good idea.”

I agreed and we came to a better conclusion.  Much better than telling him, “That makes no sense” or “You’re an idiot.”  This way he figured it out on his own and would make the right decision.  It was much easier on both of us and not intimidating to him.  I never wanted him to lose his desire to try something different or challenging.  Just attempt something that made sense. 

That’s not to say sometimes, you need to let him fall on his face so he knows he made a mistake and learns from it.  It’s not easy, but who said being a parent is easy?  Once while he was learning to walk, he was showing off that he was going up the stairs by himself.  It was a three stair walk up and it was well padded and carpeted.  As he turned around to display his new feat, I said to his mother, “Let him fall.” 

She looked at me as if I was crazy to let our baby fall and went to get him.  I stopped her before she got to him and let him fall.  She was very angry at me and said, “Why did you do that?”  I explained that it is better he fall on those stairs (he was on the first step) while we are here than for him to pull the same stunt on the garage stairs (13 wooden steps) and he really hurt himself.”

When he fell down the one step, he cried of course, and he never did the “stair dance” again.  It’s just like life, sometimes you have to fall and get up before you know what not to do. 

Actually, I believe it’s called “Wisdom.”  Some will gain wisdom through life and adjust their life accordingly.  Some will continue to make the same stupid mistakes and never learn to make it through life’s maize effectively.  The difference is how you as a parent point out the mistakes and direct them to the right path to take, so they don’t continue making these mistakes. 

Have you ever been out to eat a nice restaurant and there’s a child running around the table uncontrolled by their parents as they are not paying any attention to them while they are creating an annoying nuisance to others in the restaurant? 

Here’s one way to handle it.  Stop the child and ask, “Are you going to be in the circus that’s coming to town?  Do you like to going to the circus? Go ask your Dad if you can go to the circus.”  Obviously, there is no circus, but then the child can bother their parents directly for awhile and maybe pay attention to them and see they are bothering others.

 A former teacher uses, “What if you fell down and broke both legs and had blood coming out all over you.  Then we’d have to spend a lot of time cleaning you up.” 

I have seen many parents that just ignore or not address the issue at hand either out of ignorance or by trying to avoid confrontation. To me, that makes no sense at all.  If you can make a child laugh, especially at themselves, they will actually learn and remember it in the future.  Instead of remembering the mistakes, they will remember the laughs and the problems they averted or solved. 

 Today I have found many parents won’t get involved and let their children continue making mistakes into adulthood.  If it was stopped and shown that what they were doing was wrong and help each figure out why.  They might stop running into the walls of life, and get through the maize successfully. 

See you next week.

Please tell your co-workers, family and friends about http://notesbyblue.blogspot.com Are you on Twitter? I'm @slblue. I would love to hear from you, add a comment in the section below or send me an email to: steveblue22@gmail.com

Parenting with Laughter, Part One

Parenting today is much different than it was when I was a young parent and ever so different than when I was being raised.  It's nearly a science unto itself.  There have been thousands of books written on the subject, each professing to have its own theory and approach as the only one to use.  Are they all correct? NO, how could they be?  Each is stranger than the next.  Each will suggest that their way is the only correct way to raise a child.  When I was growing up, the child raising guru was Dr. Spock, not to be confused with Star Trek’s Mr. Spock.          

Some children are taught, by their parents, what to do and will follow their advice, some are taught what not to do and will make sure they never do to their children what was done to them.  Considering that we have no choice of who are parents are, it's up to you to figure out which you were fortunate or unfortunate to have as your guidance teacher of life.  It never fails, every parent feels they are writing the correct book on parenting on the way they are raising their children.  Each child needs to be raised as a unique individual, each in their own special way. One way does not fit all. How a parent channels their style and how creative they are sometimes depends on how they were raised. 

Here is an example of the way I was taught by my parents.  Once, my sister, brother and I were with my parents in the back seat of the family car.  As most children sitting in the back seat for over an hour, we are going to get in trouble for doing something to each other.  My Dad was in traffic and was at a stop light when he looked in the rear view mirror watching us “act up.”  He turned around and said, “If the three of you sit real close to each other, I can hit all three of you with one backhand.”  It got our attention quickly.  Then Dad took a swing, but never hit us.  His bark was always worse than his bite.  He would threaten a lot, but wouldn’t actually hit us.  Not that we didn’t deserve to be corrected.

Years later I said to my Dad, “You know if you had done that today, you would get a visit by the police as you can’t do that sort of thing anymore.”  He looked at me and said, “That’s too bad.  But you know what?  It worked, didn’t it.”  I agreed and we laughed.

Here is an example of how I did it with my son.  I am not sure if this method would work with a daughter as I have no experience.  I was playing tennis with a long time friend and my son, about 6 years old at the time, came along to play in the playground adjoining the tennis courts.  While playing tennis, I told my son to stay away from the tall grassy area and to stay in the playground boundaries so that I could keep an eye on him.  As most 6 year old boys, he wandered directly into the grassy area.

I told him to come over close to me, I wanted to speak to him.  As he approached, I informed him, “Come closer, I am going to rip your ear off.”  My tennis opponent looked on in horror as he had never seen someone talk to their child like that. I went on to say, “You don’t seem to be using them, so I think I will just rip those little ears right off.” 

My son, knowing I was teasing him, immediately broke into a smile and got the point.  I went on to explain to my son, “If you do it again, I will rip your face off.”  He laughed and now he completely understood.  My tennis partner had finally figured out what I was doing and completely lost it laughing and fell down on the court in out of control laughter. 

He couldn’t believe what I was saying and saw all I was really doing, was getting my son’s attention and making him laugh while teaching him to listen.  I have always found if I can get his attention and make him laugh at himself, I will have made my point without, screaming, yelling, spanking, etc.

Shortly after the tennis incident, I was in my condo complex in the hot tub as part of the pool.  I invited a buddy of mine, also a single Dad, to have his son join us in the hot tub.  His son brought with him his favorite “Star Wars” plastic people.  As he was playing with the Star Wars people in the hot tub, I asked my friend’s son to play with them outside of the pool/hot tub, but not in the hot tub.

He, of course, didn’t stop and I came closer to the hot tub and said, “If I catch you playing with your Star Wars people again in the tub, I will rip your little face off.”  In shock as the little boy had never heard of having his face ripped off, he looked at my son for direction.   His Dad, also in shock, watched to see what was going to happen next.  My son explained to his young friend without skipping a beat said, “You better do what he says or my Dad will do it.”  The child quickly put the plastic figures on the side of the tub.  As soon as he did, my son, my friend, and I started to laugh and then the little boy did as well when he figured out it was just a joke.

I found laughter to be the best medicine for a child that wasn’t paying attention to what I was saying.  He knew I wasn’t going to actually rip his face off, but he also knew I meant business when I warned him not to do something.

Do you have any funny techniques you used while raising your children?  Drop me a line (steveblue22@gmail.com) and let me know, as it may help others.  I may include it in Thursday’s edition of Notes by Blue.

Please tell your co-workers, family and friends about http://notesbyblue.blogspot.com Are you on Twitter? I'm  @slblue. I would love to hear from you, add a comment in the section below or send me an email to:  steveblue22@gmail.com 

Pranks, Part Two

Harmless pranks played on each other make memories and laughs throughout our lives. Most are based on the gullibility of the person that is getting “pranked.”  Today it’s called “Punked” and a TV show was created to pull pranks on celebrities.  Some become family folklore and some are even used today in business with an interesting twist that everyone enjoys telling how they were taken on their first day on their new job.

One of my favorites my old roommate and I pulled off in our freshman year in college and when I tell it always gets a good laugh.  Even though we went to different high schools in the suburbs of Chicago, we were introduced shortly before graduation and decided to room together as we began our college experience. Both of us being Jewish, though not very religious, and spontaneous we felt we had a common bond.

Excited, we were just checking into our first college room we would be sharing and we decided to meet our new Resident Fellow.  The RF, lived down the hall from us had the difficult job as our mentor as we began our college careers.

He was from a small town near Saint Louis and he made the mistake of mentioning to us, we were the first Jews he ever met.  Big mistake on his part as it was now time for a prank.  He saw that we were both wearing something similar around our neck.

He asked me what it was and I explained, “It’s called a Mezuzah and inside it contains the Ten Commandments.  But it has more than one purpose.”  I went on to ask him, “Have you ever seen a dog whistle?”  He said he had, so I responded, “well this is a Jew whistle and can only be heard by Jews.” 

He looked at us in amazement and then I took my Mezuzah, put it in my mouth and  pretended to blow it like you would a whistle.  Spontaneously, my unprepared roommate (who went on to become a famous attorney) not missing a beat quickly covered his ears and asked me, “not to blow it loud as it hurt his ears.”

The RF stood there stunned as he couldn’t hear a thing.  I explained the reason he couldn’t hear it was because he wasn’t Jewish.  I’m not sure if we ever told him the truth, but we still laugh about it even today.

Another prank that made me laugh was sent to me by a very old friend of mine, who went on in life to become a very successful in business today. This obviously gives us an indication of how creative he was even at an early age.  Steve tells his story, “I was about 10 when I pulled this on my little brother who was about 5 years old at the time.  Whenever he would be a pain in the ass, I would threaten to take my Dad’s shovel and dig a 6 foot hole and bury him in it, if he didn’t leave me alone.” 

“He believed it and my sister (about 7 ½ at the time) and I thought it was funny that we could pull this off on our little brother and it worked.  Whenever he would give us a hard time, I would go for the shovel in the garage and he would stop.”

“When he was about 50 years old, he finally had a serious conversation with me about how that bothered him most of his life.  Steve goes on to say, “I know I was supposed to take him very seriously and feel badly, but the truth is, when he told my sister and I about this life-long scarring event, we both burst out laughing harder than we did when I did it to him!  I think he is over it now.  It became part of our family history we still get a good laugh.”

High School pranks, because we are much wiser and creative can also be very funny.  Lee sent me a classic.  His friends carefully removed the center post of a few sets of double doors in their high school and moved the shop teacher’s MG Midget automobile into the center hallway of the main building.  Making sure they didn’t scratch the car as they pulled this off, the teacher had a pretty good laugh when he saw his car in the hallway as did the other teachers.  I am sure it made the yearbook that year.  It became a memory forever for both the students and the teachers.

Lee also pointed out that, “I know none of this would be OK today since our schools, laws and court systems are much more serious now about pranks.”

Mark’s favorite prank is one he continues today and I think is an excellent one.  He is in charge of training and when the new hire begins his/her first day he brings the "Sales Newbie" into his office, and hands them a list of items he needs from storage to setup their training.

Mark sends them to Nancy to get the key to the basement, she sends him/her to Gary, who said they gave the key to Mike, and eventually about the 5th or 6th person in the chain sends them to the VP of Sales.  The VP (who has a gruff, tough guy image) tells them - after a short wait while he (pretends) to rail on someone on the phone about being wasteful of their time etc. –the truth.

The VP would then explain, that actually there is no basement!   It’s always fun to watch the “Newbie” as it really relaxes them as they now have met 7 or 8 key players, plus "broken the ice" with each person. Rapport is automatically extended and they have a topic they can both laugh about for years to come.

As you can see by this week’s blogs, pranks can teach a lesson or make someone feel comfortable in an uncomfortable situation.  It can make you laugh or potentially scar you for years, if not explained that it was only a joke.  Most of all, pranks are usually fun for both the “prankee” and the “prankors” and make lasting memories for all.  Pranks require creativity and many times  well planned to pull it off, while others happen on the spur of the moment.

I hope you enjoyed this week’s blog and please tell your friends and colleagues about Notes by Blue.  I'm looking forward to sharing a laugh or two with you again next Tuesday for another installment of Notes by Blue. 

Please add me to your twitter: @slblue or “Follow me with Google Friend Connect” on the tab on the right of this blog. Add a comment in the section below or send me an email at steveblue22@gmail.com I would love to hear from you.

Pranks, Part One

Childhood pranks we play on siblings, friends, and even parents play on their children are always part of Laughter’s Hall of Fame.  In our house it was usually the older son’s playing pranks on a younger child as it is their unwritten duty to tease and harass, to prove they were smarter because they were older.  But my Dad always found a way to turn the tables on us.

The most common prank pulled on a younger child is the “you were adopted” prank. I was the oldest and therefore it was my responsibility to aggravate my brother.  He is four years younger and always wanted to hang out with me whenever possible.  If I could make him cry without touching him, even better. One time I pulled the adoption joke on him and of course my proof that he was adopted was, “I remember because I was there when they brought you home from the orphanage.”  When the child comes running and crying to their parents asking if they were adopted, the most common parental response is “It’s not true, don’t listen to your brother.” 

Except, of course, my Dad. He always had an interesting sense of humor (did I say that nicely?) and wanted to teach me a lesson.  He told my brother, “no, you are not adopted, your older brother who told you this, is adopted.”  This of course delighted my younger brother as he came running back to me with a big smile to tell me, “Dad said I wasn’t adopted, you were adopted.”  I was the oldest and had no one to ask to dispute my Dad and for awhile I believed my little brother. Eventually, I was told the truth, when I was shown pictures of my mother pregnant with me, at least I think I was told the truth…….

It is a given that my brother and I were idiots.   When my parents went to the hospital for the birth of my sister, my brother and I announced that it had to be a boy, a dog or a pony when they came home.  We didn’t want a sister and if it was a girl, we were going to pack up and leave the house. 

When my parents showed up with my sister and they saw our disappointment.  Dad took us to our bedroom and took out a suitcase so he could help us start packing.  We eventually understood what he was doing, as we stood at the front door with our suitcases.  We knew we had to accept my sister whether we liked it or not.  As she grew older, we each found ways to show her who was in charge of the kids.

My brother and I loved to torment our baby sister who was 4 years younger than my brother and much smarter than my brother and I combined.  Even with all we did to her growing up, she graduated from high school at 16 and cum laude at the University of Iowa at 19.  She may have gained the “book smarts” on her own, we helped her with “street smarts’”

One of the funniest pranks my younger brother did to my sister was when he was about 8 and she was 4.  My father was the kind of guy that you didn’t want to mess with as he always won.  Although he was small, he was powerful.

One day, Dad came by my bedroom looking for my sister as he couldn’t find her.  He asked me if I knew where she was and I told him I had no idea.  He then went next door to my brother’s bedroom and while standing in front of the sliding wooden hollow closet doors in my brother's room, Dad asked my brother the same question, “Have you seen your sister?”  He replied, “ah, no Dad.”  Then behind Dad and the sliding closet door you could hear a faint, sound like someone holding their hand over there mouth trying to speak, “mmmmmm mmmmmmm.”  . 

Dad slowly turned around, while now facing the closet, he gently slid the sliding closet door to the right.  As it moved you could see his eyes getting bigger and bigger.  There before him was my sister tied up and gagged, laying prone on the closet shelf.  I only wish I had a camera to capture my father’s face.  My brother tried to leave the room, but my father quickly told him not to move a muscle.  As my Dad unraveled my sister and took the duct tape off her mouth, he hugged her and then turned to my younger brother.  

My Dad, trying not to laugh, asked my brother how this happened.  He sheepishly replied, “ Dad, she was driving me nuts.  She kept following me around and wouldn’t leave me alone.” My brother then spent a long time in his bedroom alone as he was under what would now be called “house arrest.”

My lesson to teach my little sister, sometimes known between my brother and I  as "little Miss-Goody-Two Shoes," was to teach her not to always tell on us when we did something we weren’t supposed to do.  Not that we ever did anything we were told not to do, but occasionally things would happen that needed to be kept between the kids and not shared with Mom and Dad. 

As most little sisters do, she many times felt it was her responsibility to report to our parents the stupid things my brother and I did.  One day, after a recent tattle-tale experience on me, I decided to teach her never to do that again. 

Our house had a clothes chute in each closet that went from the bedrooms to the basement, where the washer and dryer were located.  She was about 5 and as I mentioned earlier, very smart for her age.  But she had to be taught a lesson.  So I held her over the clothes chute, as she was just the right size to fit it, and promised to drop her down it if she ever told on me again. 

Being brighter than we were it of course didn’t work and she continued, given any opportunity, told my parents whatever we did.  Today, we would probably go to jail.  But then, it was just funny.  We still laugh about it. Many times at family gatherings when we are telling childhood stories, her children now adults, would love to hear these stories about their “Perfect” Mom.

What prank did you pull on your brother, sister, friends or parents?  What was the best one pulled on you?  Please send it to me at steveblue22@gmail.com and it might make it into Thursday’s blog.  Come on, send it.  “I won’t tell anyone……….”  It’s an opportunity to do it again. 

Please add me to your twitter: @slblue or “Follow me with Google Friend Connect” on the tab on the right of this blog. Add a comment in the section below or send me an email at steveblue22@gmail.com I would love to hear from you.

"Getting Old is Not for Sissies," Part Two

"Getting Old is Not for Sissies," Part Two  As you age your conversations with your friends change as well.  When you are younger, you talk about cute young women you have met, sports, your new promotion, your idiot boss, and of course your wife/girlfriend. 

The older you get, you seem to talk more to your friends about the drugs you take, a recent operation or procedure that was done, what aches and pains you have, who died or got divorced and a lot of “Remember When’s.”  We also talk about sports and the cute young women, only women seem to look at us differently.  Even though your mind may think you are still young, your body and gray hair give you away.

According my friend Ed, whom I have known since I was 7 years old, if you go to the hospital you must know the difference between an operation and a procedure.  According to this expert, as he has had both, if you stay overnight at the hospital, it qualifies as an operation. If on the other hand, you go and come home the same day, it’s only a procedure.  This is from someone that should not have been released from the hospital and sent directly to the happy farm with a white jacket that ties in the back. 

What is great about knowing someone since you were seven years old is that you have a lot of memories to share with each other.  What is not so great is that he knows everything stupid you’ve ever done and finds it fun to share your “not so perfect moments” with anyone who will listen.

Sex is also much different as you grow older.  In your twenties, you didn’t remember the name of who you slept with last.  When you are much older, you don’t remember the last time you did it. 

Another good friend came to me and said, “You know what the best part about turning 60?” As he was much older than me, I listened with great intensity so I knew what would be in store for me when I got there.  I said, “What?”  He said, “My wife of 30+ years has always held sex as a carrot over me to get me to do something or go somewhere I didn’t want to do.  Now, we have sex infrequently, she lost all her bargaining power.” I responded, “Really? Why do you say that?” He went on to say, “Now, I don’t care if we have sex.  I just do what I want now, it’s great!”

If you are fortunate like myself, of course, and you don’t appear to look or act your age.  Its fun when people are surprised when you tell them you are older than they think.  When you are young you want to appear older than you actually are.  It goes full circle.  Isn’t it strange how your priorities change as you do? 

In case you ever forgot how old you are, your body always reminds you. Most importantly, you must think young as it truly does keep you young. Fortunately for me, as I mentioned earlier, family history is an important aspect of aging.  Both my Grandmother and Father both were very young for their age. Dad actually was married nearly 40 years the second time, Mommy is three years older than I am.

 

Since Al Gore invented the Internet, the poor guy will never live that statement down, I have found the desire to learn new information an interesting way to keep myself “in the ballgame” of life.  I believe we should never stop learning, never stop experiencing new avenues of information, and continue to keep pace as age is not a deterrent unless you allow it to be.  I try to never take the same way home from somewhere, as I enjoy seeing new scenery along the way. 

Yet, I have friends my age that wouldn’t think about blogging, tweeting, or keeping up with Facebook.  Some of my friends won’t be bothered with computers at all.  I never understood that.  My fascination with computers, and the power they hold, always has been a constant in my life. 

As years go by, the more one realizes how short life truly is and how important it is to see as much as you can as it’s there for the taking.  I have been lucky to see and experience many things most people never have a chance to see.  I have been around the world a couple of times, had the unique experience of actually walking around the Atlantis Space Shuttle while in was in for repairs.  It’s all up to your imagination and the will to take chances.

As I mentioned earlier in the opening paragraph in Tuesday’s blog, luck is an important part of the life you live. Knowing what to do with luck is just as important. That’s when wisdom kicks in.  I have always said when interviewing a salesperson for my team, “I would want someone very lucky versus someone with skill and no luck at all.  You can teach skill, you can’t teach luck, it’s something within.”

I also felt it would be great during the interviewing process to meet a salesperson’s spouse.   If the salesperson is not very attractive and their spouse is exceptionally attractive, hire them immediately.  They can obviously sell themselves. 

 A little over a month ago I started this blog on a whim, and found out I could write.  People would actually laugh and identify with what I had to say.  Yesterday the blog hit over 5000 hits from all over the world in just 7 weeks. It’s been read by people in the US to Russia, from Australia to the UK, even in South Africa, Pakistan, India and other far off places.  Who knew? 

Luckily, writing this blog led me to Steve Rizzo, a very funny well known comedian and motivational speaker.  Because he read the blog, he gave me an opportunity to write comedy material for him he now uses in his presentations to major corporations and organizations across the country.  Soon we start work on an Internet TV Show.  Be sure to see his web page, http://www.steverizzo.com and you will see what I mean. 

You must keep challenging, you might be surprised of what you are capable of doing, once you try and have a little luck.  It may lead you somewhere you only dreamt about.  Dreams can turn into reality.  But you won’t know unless you keep yourself young and continue taking yourself down the different roads of life and challenges.

See you next Tuesday with the next edition of Notes By Blue.  I look forward to seeing you then.

Please add me to your twitter: @slblue or “Follow me with Google Friend Connect” on the tab on the right of this blog. Add a comment in the section below or send me an email at steveblue22@gmail.com I would love to hear from you.