Parenting today is much different than it was when I was a young parent and ever so different than when I was being raised. It's nearly a science unto itself. There have been thousands of books written on the subject, each professing to have its own theory and approach as the only one to use. Are they all correct? NO, how could they be? Each is stranger than the next. Each will suggest that their way is the only correct way to raise a child. When I was growing up, the child raising guru was Dr. Spock, not to be confused with Star Trek’s Mr. Spock.
Some children are taught, by their parents, what to do and will follow their advice, some are taught what not to do and will make sure they never do to their children what was done to them. Considering that we have no choice of who are parents are, it's up to you to figure out which you were fortunate or unfortunate to have as your guidance teacher of life. It never fails, every parent feels they are writing the correct book on parenting on the way they are raising their children. Each child needs to be raised as a unique individual, each in their own special way. One way does not fit all. How a parent channels their style and how creative they are sometimes depends on how they were raised.
Here is an example of the way I was taught by my parents. Once, my sister, brother and I were with my parents in the back seat of the family car. As most children sitting in the back seat for over an hour, we are going to get in trouble for doing something to each other. My Dad was in traffic and was at a stop light when he looked in the rear view mirror watching us “act up.” He turned around and said, “If the three of you sit real close to each other, I can hit all three of you with one backhand.” It got our attention quickly. Then Dad took a swing, but never hit us. His bark was always worse than his bite. He would threaten a lot, but wouldn’t actually hit us. Not that we didn’t deserve to be corrected.
Years later I said to my Dad, “You know if you had done that today, you would get a visit by the police as you can’t do that sort of thing anymore.” He looked at me and said, “That’s too bad. But you know what? It worked, didn’t it.” I agreed and we laughed.
Here is an example of how I did it with my son. I am not sure if this method would work with a daughter as I have no experience. I was playing tennis with a long time friend and my son, about 6 years old at the time, came along to play in the playground adjoining the tennis courts. While playing tennis, I told my son to stay away from the tall grassy area and to stay in the playground boundaries so that I could keep an eye on him. As most 6 year old boys, he wandered directly into the grassy area.
I told him to come over close to me, I wanted to speak to him. As he approached, I informed him, “Come closer, I am going to rip your ear off.” My tennis opponent looked on in horror as he had never seen someone talk to their child like that. I went on to say, “You don’t seem to be using them, so I think I will just rip those little ears right off.”
My son, knowing I was teasing him, immediately broke into a smile and got the point. I went on to explain to my son, “If you do it again, I will rip your face off.” He laughed and now he completely understood. My tennis partner had finally figured out what I was doing and completely lost it laughing and fell down on the court in out of control laughter.
He couldn’t believe what I was saying and saw all I was really doing, was getting my son’s attention and making him laugh while teaching him to listen. I have always found if I can get his attention and make him laugh at himself, I will have made my point without, screaming, yelling, spanking, etc.
Shortly after the tennis incident, I was in my condo complex in the hot tub as part of the pool. I invited a buddy of mine, also a single Dad, to have his son join us in the hot tub. His son brought with him his favorite “Star Wars” plastic people. As he was playing with the Star Wars people in the hot tub, I asked my friend’s son to play with them outside of the pool/hot tub, but not in the hot tub.
He, of course, didn’t stop and I came closer to the hot tub and said, “If I catch you playing with your Star Wars people again in the tub, I will rip your little face off.” In shock as the little boy had never heard of having his face ripped off, he looked at my son for direction. His Dad, also in shock, watched to see what was going to happen next. My son explained to his young friend without skipping a beat said, “You better do what he says or my Dad will do it.” The child quickly put the plastic figures on the side of the tub. As soon as he did, my son, my friend, and I started to laugh and then the little boy did as well when he figured out it was just a joke.
I found laughter to be the best medicine for a child that wasn’t paying attention to what I was saying. He knew I wasn’t going to actually rip his face off, but he also knew I meant business when I warned him not to do something.
Do you have any funny techniques you used while raising your children? Drop me a line (steveblue22@gmail.com) and let me know, as it may help others. I may include it in Thursday’s edition of Notes by Blue.
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