The winner of the Best Picture in this year’s Academy Awards show was “The King’s Speech." Another award winning movie was “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” Both included a stutterer. I could easily identify with both, as I am a stutterer and have been my entire life. Some who have known me a long time already know this, some of you may be surprised. When I was 4 ½ years old my parents enrolled me in a class at the University of Chicago to try to better understand why and what could be done about my stuttering. I was in a speech class of some sort, usually after school so my friends didn’t know, for most of my grammar and high school experience. They were honestly concerned as I was their first born and no one wants their child to live with a malady. But, as all parents know, it’s out of our control.
Fortunately, I was a pretty good athlete, my favorite sport was baseball. I was successful in something, as I was hardly a model student. Baseball and sports helped me gain self confidence in other aspects of my life. I was usually quiet in class, and listened a lot, but not overly shy and introverted. Ironically, I would get in trouble for talking too much in class. Through it all, I would love to make people laugh. That is, with me, just not at me.
Early in college, after getting an A in cost accounting, I thought this would be the best path for me to follow. I wouldn’t need to speak much and I was pretty good with numbers. My Dad got me a summer job in the accounting department in the company he worked. After a few weeks, I was falling asleep at my desk as I was never so bored in my life. I knew what I didn’t want to do, A’s or not, accounting was not for me.
After many years of speech therapy, I was told consistently, I would out grow it. I finally got to the point, “How old did I have to be?” Finally, at age 23, I felt if I didn’t outgrow it by now I never would. I better try a different approach. I decided to try Northwestern University’s Speech department in Evanston, Illinois. This is where my life changed. I honestly thought I was a very rare bird in that other than myself and a close friend in high school, who also stuttered, I never knew anyone else that was dealt the same hand. My stuttering high school friend was very similar to me as he was as determined to succeed and he went on to became a radio disk jockey. We are still very close friends after all these years.
For two years at Northwestern, I was a member of a group that on Tuesday evenings I would meet with a grad student one-on-one for about two hours. We worked on using many of the then current approaches to deal stuttering, many of which were used in the Kings Speech. I wouldn’t stutter when I whispered, sang, was very mad, or used cuss words. I became very proficient at using cuss words and still am a pro at it.
On Thursdays, a group of about a dozen people met together for about an hour and a half. The first night of the group session, I thought to myself as I looked around the room, “I look like that?” Never! But actually, it was true. I vowed to myself at that moment, I must find a way to overcome this as I wasn’t going to look like that for the rest of my life. Northwestern put me in a promotional film about the department showing me before and after working with them.
Later on in life, I was reading an article sent to me by a teacher friend of mine had sent me regarding my son’s dyslexia and ADD. It was then I realized that stuttering was a form of the same problems my son had. She thought I knew all about it, actually I had no idea. I remember growing up getting notes on my report card, almost every time, “Very bright child, but does not apply himself.” While I was growing up they had no idea of dyslexia. Finally at 36 I understood why I had so much trouble in school and why I stuttered.
A couple of the tricks I found worked for me, if I had enough sleep I wouldn’t stutter much. I also learned to choose my words carefully. I became a human thesaurus. I remember always having “Roget’s College Thesaurus” with me for reference. I still use these today and these tips still help me as I still stutter. You may not catch it, as I hide it well, but I know every time.
Useful Tip: Should you meet someone that stutters you can help them by doing a couple of things. First, don’t ever look away, stare them directly in their eyes as you would anyone else. You may feel uncomfortable, but it will help them. Also, don’t help them with a word they are stuck on. Let them say it on their own. Whatever you do, never tell them to “slow down, think of what you are going to say and then say it.” If they weren’t self-conscious before, they will be if you say that.
More about stuttering in Thursday’s edition of Notes by Blue. Please return, as I have saved the best for last. Please add me to your twitter: @slblue and “Follow me with Google Friend Connect” on the tab in the upper right corner of this blog.
As a life-long stutterer, I always say that - in a way - stuttering is like alcoholism in that you might learn to control it, but the tendency to stutter is always there, just one word away. I had no idea that is in any way tied to ADD or dyslexia. And like your friend, the DJ, I chose to be a travel agent when I graduated from college - what else could a history/geography jock be? - because I would have to talk on the phone.
ReplyDeleteI'm 60 now, almost 61, and I still stutter sometimes. I never really talked about to anyone til I met my facialist in Winnetka - another woman who stutters. I'm the only one she talks to about her stutter. It really is quite funny.